12 - An Angel

Here's the critique I promised you a while ago. First of all, I do like the way you wrote so much about an angel, and the way it comes down to you're not so quickly. While I do like that though, at the end, I wanted more description as to why. Of course, I'm sure we can all guess, but the angel is so detailed and not is so quickly ended. Even if it was a second part to the poem, I'm not sure there, but the whole point is, I keep looking for a bit of reasoning.

Part of that is, like it was said, this is supposed to be about the 7 sins, maybe (and this would mesh into my search for reasoning) if you put more about them into the piece

But angels are supposed to be divine
and selfless, too, and more things you wouldn't know.
An angel is embodied innocence,
and I don't doubt you lost that, long ago.
That stanza was the one that didn't flow as well with the rest. Especially the second line.

Other than that, like I said, I like the topic. I like how you took something so common and put a stomp on what we say and what it is. My favorite line was the last though. It's God you are supposed to represent -
the 7 sins you represent instead. Though I'd prefer it somehow rhymed, it's a hard, stiff ending to it all. Nice work.

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="" title="Heart"/>
TORi

(((please do not pay attention to the stars, the critique is what I wrote)))

also, sorry if you get two critiques, I screwed up one, so I deleted and re-wrote it.